Failure, etc.

I was reminded today of a passage I fell in love with when I first read it years ago. The passage is in Titus 3:3-7 and it reads like this:
"For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."

Wow. I don't know if that clicks with you quite like it did for me, but that was just a radical awakening for my heart when I first read those words. It says things that we have always heard and have known since we accepted Christ in our life, yet it says it so powerfully. We fail nonstop. We wake up and fail. We go through our days failing miserably one thing after another. We seem to look for opportunities we can take to fail God even more monumentally than the afore. I don't get it. I don't know why I want to do the things I insistently do and I furthermore cannot fathom the love and grace that is wrapped around me in order for me to commit such felonous acts towards the gospel and still be rewarded with an heirship. I praise God with my tongue and curse men subsequently. Is there really a place for all my failure to reside? In fact, there is. I believe in the power of failure. I believe in using the foolish to make wise. I have fallen so many times in this life. I have dusted myself off only to fall short again. Through all my failures I never learned anything, until I actually depended on God. Used cloyingly or not, it was and is true for me. I do not discount the influence of my abominations for the poorer side of things on others lives. I wish that were not the case. I wish people could only see my heart and the feelings I have about my transgressions instead of seeing the everyday failing Reyn that is truly still trying, but will never hit that mark. My action has lacked, my worship has fallen short, my acts of kindness to others are at times fleeting. All that said, I have a desire to live out the second half of that passage; to show the world the mark for which I aim. Maybe I will get there, more than likely not, but one thing is for sure: I am an heir to a kingdom beyond this world, and I will strive to live like I am more and more each day.