Significance

I've been away again for a while, but unlike my last absence, I was able to focus on the Lord very much this time. Along with four of my friends from our university, I went on a mission trip we planned a couple weeks ago. We made stops on our excursion in Atlanta, Charleston, and Gainesville. Each part of the trip we did different mission-minded projects and each stop made an impact on all of our group. However, the ultimate stop for me was in Gainesville. Most of our time in this city was spent with the homeless community; giving them food and chatting about life in general. Many of the talks surprised me, but one in particular with an African-American man I was serving water to, struck the very depths of my heart. I was almost driven to tears as I was astonished as well as ashamed while listening to his words of pure wisdom.
The conversation went something like this: "Beautiful day we are having here today isn't it?" I said. "Why yes, every day is beautiful when you love and serve the Lord!" said the man. Now, that is not then end of our conversation by any means but it is enough to get my point across I believe. For the next ten to fifteen minutes or so, this man spoke of how blessed he was and how great the love of God is. He never said anything to oppose these truths and he didn't add to or take away from those statements either. Even if I could have gotten a word in edge-wise, I don't think I would have known what to say. I simply agreed and amened him with each breath he took to pause.
Meanwhile, my heart was pounding through my bones and my eyes were about to fill while I stood in absolute awe. In my mind I kept thinking: "does this man not realize he is homeless?" Well of course he had to know his circumstance, and to me, that is what made this story so very great. There with my own ears and eyes I witnessed a man, whom I was serving water on a warm March day, who had no home, likely no family, and very little physical assets to his name show me up in his faith. How had I, myself, become so content that I had forgotten all the gifts I have and the greatest gift of all in Christ, was also some distant story without a time and occurrence or relevance to me? I had traveled thousands of miles on my spring break missional journey to be taught about God by someone else.
Never should we think we have no significance in the world. Many times it would be simple to conclude that we are more important to reaching the world than the next guy, but that's just not it. A man of little significance to the world in appearance just made the biggest impact on me in fifteen minutes that any person could make in such time. How great is that? Let us have no bounds as love has no bounds.

Happily Married

Today as I opened my browser, the homepage on this foreign computer was set to msn.com. The opening story: "Does your marriage measure up?"
Interestingly enough, I am, even in my extremely single lifestyle, intrigued by marriage. I look forward to a marriage to a smoking hot wife and having children and adopting children of my own, as I have mentioned in earlier posts. However, I think marriage has turned into debauchery in our culture. Over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and the "happily" married couples are reading garbage like the page on MSN that make men and women feel like they're relationship isn't measuring up and make them question if their own marriage is truly happy. This infuriates me to my core. I don't know the first thing about being in a marriage, and not much more about maintaining a relationship for that matter, but I understand commitment, and not many people believe in it anymore.
Even more intriguing to me is the language of the Bible, and how time and time again marriage is used to identify our relationship with Christ or Israel and Judah's relationship with Yahweh. In Jeremiah 2, God says He remembers our devotion as a bride. Where has it gone? Have we not been even more of a whore to Christ in our relationship than in our own earthly excursions? We repeatedly offer up our bodies to Christ as a half-hearted sacrifice, unpleasing and unholy to God; just the opposite of what we are called to do.
For whatever reason I have always been drawn to this language of us as a bride to Christ; subjecting ourselves to the leadership of our husband. Paul remained single his entire life and did great work for Christ. He even stated in 1 Corinthians 7 that he would hope we all could remain single as well. However, there was one marriage Paul was most certainly a part of. He was the bride in a marriage he would desire us to belong to as well. Let us submit ourselves to our husband today, in Christ, and ignore thoughts of insufficiency and inadequacy of Christs love. He has, and always will be enough for us, and yes, my marriage most certainly measures up!

Many Thoughts

Today is one of those days that I think too much. I don't move throughout the day at all; no, I am just one point to another. I connect the dots of where I have to be in my schedule, I float through each terrorizing detail and I come to a point that I stop. I stop, just like I am now, and I think.
The case used to be with days like this one, that I would slip into depression. I would wonder why the world hated me in every aspect. I wondered why I felt I had not a true friend in the world, why I wasn't meeting the expectations of my family, and why I, myself, couldn't trust anyone. This afore-mentioned depressive state would be the same setting for my life right now in this very moment if I allowed it to be. I think I have to keep moving; keep going from task to task to keep my mind so boggled it's clear of dark thoughts. The fact is, I don't let my eyes get gloomy, therefore I stay out of my dysthymic element.
I know I am not the only person who connects thoughts, or looks entirely too far into situations. It is effortless for me to overthink a thought in my head until it turns into something far from the reality of the situation. I'm not saying I am crazy, of course crazy people wouldn't say they were either I don't suppose. However, I am saying that it would be easy for me to focus on another day slipping into oblivion forever to be erased from my memory and realizing I have still done nothing meaningful in my life. Time bothers me the most. We always say it flies, it goes by too fast, and "we remember when." But take a second and think. It is today, the ninth day of the third month of 2010. I don't know of anything importantant I have done with the almost three and a half months God has given me so far this year. It seems like just yesterday we were starting this year. The absolute truth is this: Christ is returning in the blink of an eye. No man knows the time of His return, and we have a commission to make disciples of all nations at our hands. What will we do with it? Will we allow ourselves to think too much and waste time? Or can we possibly actually do something we say we are going to for once, before this year is over?

Faith?

I have found in my twenty-one years and some odd months that people say things. These things are generally as important to the orator of the statements as the word "things" is itself. THINGS don't pack any meaning, and neither do the assertions themselves. The biggest for instance I have found is in our faith. Our faith in anything is fickle, really. We have "faith" in God. We have "faith" that we are eternally secure. We have "faith" that we really could move mountains. I don't think so. I have said a million times that I have faith God will provide a way. I have meant that maybe three times. The thing is, I don't think I'm alone. I am not a pessimistic being or a cynically inclined drone of a person, I just think faith requires more than saying "things." I was standing in church Sunday singing a song about my belief that God can move the mountains. I was moved to tears, because I was emptying every word of that song into a barrel of disbelief. I'm not saying in any way that I have no faith in the existence of God, the power of His love, His Son's death and resurrection, or my salvation. I would never say that at all. I am saying I have doubted things before. I'm human. And I am not using my humanity to excuse my inconsistency, but I think it's clear I need help to stay true to faith. However, I felt overwhelmed as I stood there amongst the hundreds of flock members attending Sunday. I was singing words and putting little thought to their meaning. After all, James tells us that faith without works is dead right? This cannot possibly just mean helping the elderly cross the street and rebuilding houses can it? Though those things are good and can be examples, I think James would also say that part of our works is merely putting feet to our so-called faith: believing what we say. Truly believing the "things" we say. Doing things for Christ is essential and therefore that should most certainly be a challenge for each of us daily; to do missions and love one another. But I think our first task should be to believe what we claim. Simple yet difficult to us generally, and concrete, but carrying complexity as well. Just believe it, and as the saying goes, we can achieve it.

My Absense

Here lately I haven't posted anything at all, and I feel bad. Even if nobody at all reads what I have to say, it tends to help me vent. The truth is: here of late I have felt less than inspired. I have definitely been overwhelmed at times, but not driven. Sure, there have been the bright moments where I wanted to go to the ends of the Earth just to show the unloved some love, like our small group meeting Sunday, but they have been few and far between, and I have struggled. I have struggled realize God's presence; much less seek it. Or is that even backwards? Point blank I have felt an enormous dose of humanity here lately, and my humility has been great, but my realization of a Spirit of change, my longing to make right my wrongs, my absolute sincerety has waned through periods of fecklessness. I am not a super man. Though I have never once claimed to be such, I hold myself to those standards; the standards of such a Super God-Man in Jesus. Slow in speech and slow to anger I am not. Loving to the unloved; sure. Loving to my enemies; I can't say that is true.
I wish those kind of things for myself. I hope for a life of prosperity in Christ, knowing He will always be sufficient to me. I look forward to finding a Christian, no not just that, a Christ-seeking follower as a wife, and adopting and loving children. I want to think all this can be possible and I will finish the race strong as Paul did. Honestly, however, I sometimes have my doubts. Is that so wrong, or is it humanity? I don't know. Another point for my flesh is I do not know.
C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, and orator of some of the greatest quotes I know said this: "A man can no more diminish God's gloryby refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribing the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
I don't see myself as refusing to worship God, and I'm sure no other Christian would toss that thought around either, but we do it. We refuse to worship God any time we are living life complacently, we are pursuing our idols over God's glory, and even when we are half-heartedly exalting him. That is an oxymoron. Exaltation and half-hearts don't go together, so why do we put them there. The point is: we are here to worship God. The end. Nothing we do affects God's glory. Point blank. And it is absurd to believe God needs us, but He desires our intimacy. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. Apart from us, He can still do anything.