Here lately I haven't posted anything at all, and I feel bad. Even if nobody at all reads what I have to say, it tends to help me vent. The truth is: here of late I have felt less than inspired. I have definitely been overwhelmed at times, but not driven. Sure, there have been the bright moments where I wanted to go to the ends of the Earth just to show the unloved some love, like our small group meeting Sunday, but they have been few and far between, and I have struggled. I have struggled realize God's presence; much less seek it. Or is that even backwards? Point blank I have felt an enormous dose of humanity here lately, and my humility has been great, but my realization of a Spirit of change, my longing to make right my wrongs, my absolute sincerety has waned through periods of fecklessness. I am not a super man. Though I have never once claimed to be such, I hold myself to those standards; the standards of such a Super God-Man in Jesus. Slow in speech and slow to anger I am not. Loving to the unloved; sure. Loving to my enemies; I can't say that is true.
I wish those kind of things for myself. I hope for a life of prosperity in Christ, knowing He will always be sufficient to me. I look forward to finding a Christian, no not just that, a Christ-seeking follower as a wife, and adopting and loving children. I want to think all this can be possible and I will finish the race strong as Paul did. Honestly, however, I sometimes have my doubts. Is that so wrong, or is it humanity? I don't know. Another point for my flesh is I do not know.
C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite authors, and orator of some of the greatest quotes I know said this: "A man can no more diminish God's gloryby refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribing the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
I don't see myself as refusing to worship God, and I'm sure no other Christian would toss that thought around either, but we do it. We refuse to worship God any time we are living life complacently, we are pursuing our idols over God's glory, and even when we are half-heartedly exalting him. That is an oxymoron. Exaltation and half-hearts don't go together, so why do we put them there. The point is: we are here to worship God. The end. Nothing we do affects God's glory. Point blank. And it is absurd to believe God needs us, but He desires our intimacy. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. Apart from us, He can still do anything.
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these are great words my friend and I feel the same right now
ReplyDeleteMom said...
ReplyDeleteHey, I didn't actually say this, but I couldn't help but think of the the Beth Moore lesson we had last Wednesday night. (Great writing by the way! Just a little disturbing at times!) Anyway, here goes. Esther had a choice. "She had to overcome herself in order to do what God had created her and positioned her to do, (we can protect ourselves out of our calling.) We all have choices, but our decisions may have the biggest impact on our destiny! Refuse to obey your fears. We all have the choice about how we do the choice we choose, we can be happy or sad, or positive or negative! Nobody is born brave but we can become brave. We are our biggest obstacle! There is NO DENIAL IN COURAGE! So don't deny the events in your life that may not be what you desire, but deny its victory over you! We fear the big races that we've all been entered in automatically, such as careers, partners in life,people, etc. and we need to deny their victory over us. You get to decide how good your story is going to be. If you live in fear, then count yourself dead already! Courage comes from the word core which means "heart." Fill in the blanks:
If_______________________ happens, then _________.
If, (whatever event happens), then God! Hey, keep your head up, you don't realize this, but you've been one of the greatest witnesses to me! (your mom). Hardly a day goes by that some student doesn't mention your name to me and the witness you've been to them through your singing and just the words you've shared. You mean a lot to a lot of people, young and old!